if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
