my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
