I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
