In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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