I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
