he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
