Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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