Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
