so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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