Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
