the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
