hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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