1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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