I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
