I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
