literally had 100 drinks last night.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
