my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
