you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
