Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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