dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
