His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
