You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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