Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
