I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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