My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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