Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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