Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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