Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
