i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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