Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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