you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
