I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
