I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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