Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
