you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
