69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
