In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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