let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
