There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
