i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
