So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
