Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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