Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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