you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
