he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
