I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
