So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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