just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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