so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
