He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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