He passed out mid-signature
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
